Tuesday 28 June 2016

This Corrosion

So I'm back to update you on the extensive works being lavished on our DS, or should I say the most oxidised car since an original Austin Metro turned one year old. I quite liked the allusion to a rust-themed song in my last article so I've done it again with another favourite of mine.  

This time it's a track from the 1987 album Floodland by Gothic rock band The Sisters of Mercy. When Andrew Eldritch, the lead singer, with his distinctive baritone croons: 'Hey now, hey now now, sing this corrosion to me', from now on the only image I'll ever see in my mind's eye is my DS sitting, dismantled and corroded, in the workshop at Graham Morton Vehicle Services in Holmbridge. And there will always be an ominous shiver down my spine as the image fades.

As holy as the Titanic
So where are we? Well, it's not getting any better I'm afraid. Whilst the D is getting the long-overdue attention it needs there is, of course, the ever-mounting sting in the financial tail that I won't embarrass you, or myself, by saying what that's amounting to. Suffice to say, the DS is taking full advantage of this spa-like pampering.  Let us list what treatments she's had thus far:

    A new clutch assembly. The old one was down to the rivets - we have had our money's worth there!
    A new accumulator sphere to restore fully its trademark soft ride.
    Fully functioning water pump. The former was leaking like a proverbial sieve.
    New front brake and parking pads - done whilst access was available.
    Replacement bottom hoses, again, prudent to have done in the circumstances.
    A full set of drive belts the old ones showing plenty of age related trauma.
    Rebuilt B and C pillars, rear gutters, boot aperture, sills and bumper mounts.
    A reconditioned front left wing with new directional light pods (left and right).
    A totally replaced roof rail, the former was totally (and utterly) 'shot'. With holes ‘like those on the Titanic’ it was said.
    A repainted roof panel with new internal headlining to make it all lovely inside too.
    A replacement steering wheel/column instead of the sun-damaged, baggy one that we'd lived with for too long.
    A liberal treatment with rust converter of all the bits that have non-terminal surface corrosion.
    Finally, to finish it all off, a refreshing, massage treatment to the D's most intimate places with an unctuous coating of the finest Waxoyl.

We're also getting some cosmetic work done on the wiring loom and, if possible, installing a hazard light circuit. It seems a good addition to a car that, even after such extensive works, may still 'fail to proceed' in an inconvenient place for any reason it thinks appropriate.

Phew! When you think a lot of that work is welding and panel reconstruction the car, when complete, should be considerably safer and much more solid.  It makes me shudder to think how poorly the D would have performed in its former state if we'd got into 'trouble'.

Is that what metal looks like? Really? Wow!
Even when all that's done and the car is reconstructed most will wonder where the work has occurred given that on first impressions it won't look much different. All the newly shaped metal will be covered up never to be seen again until the time the D feels the time is right to once more reveal its underparts to the horror of, perhaps, a new owner.

When you think I could have simply had the bodywork fettled and then professionally painted. Although it would look a 'million dollars', lurking underneath the true horrors of an ageing DS would have lain hidden waiting to give many unpleasant problems going forwards. The very issues we're dealing with right now.

I hope all will agree this is the best approach, if eye-wateringly scary. The strategy is to get the D's foundation garments firmly in place before putting on the 'jewellery' later. That way she can be transformed from a lowly Cinders into the belle of the ball with everything just as it should be.


So much new metal - just soooo much...
Some might ask why now? Well, one of the main objectives of getting the work done, apart from the small issue of converting the car from a death trap to something more life enhancing, was that it would (safely) transport us to the International Citroen Car Club Rally (ICCCR) being held in the Middachten Estate in Holland this coming August.


Half-way there..
We went to the 2012 ICCCR in Harrogate and had a great time so we're looking forward to it. Having a robust D to get us there is of high importance to our enjoyment. However, factoring in the costs of getting the car ready, it's one of the most expensive holidays we've ever had. So far, we’re on schedule to meet that goal but will be limiting the amount of spending money we take on our break. Can’t think why!

So, to conclude, we still own a DS, arguably more than we did before it went away to be put right. Alternatively, I should say: we own less corrosion and more metal now. I'll update on the finalised work in the next blog perhaps, and hopefully also about a successful and trouble-free journey to the ICCCR.