Make Mine A Jag!

So Christmas is bearing down on us at an alarming pace.  I wondered why the shops were all decorated in a strange way and why, for no reason I can think of, I keep humming Merry Christmas Everybody.  Oh well, here we go again.  Actually I’m quite looking forward to it this year.  I mean, what could be better?  I’ll start by getting a lovely log fire going in the wood burner to toast me toes. Then I’ll settle down in a big comfy chair with a glass of mulled wine and a spicy mince pie. And, as the scent of a festive pine tree perfumes the air and there’s a cupboard chock-full of goodies to swell my waistline, life starts to look good. Naturally, there’s the prospect of watching loads of films and programmes on the TV. Ones that I’ve seen many times before a bit like old friends who pop by to eat my diminishing box of Quality Street as I glare resentfully at them. I'm even relishing the prospect of receiving a glut of gifts that I can look forward to returning in the New Year for something that I actually might want. But better than all that. Better than a few days off work and, more satisfying than the inevitable overindulgence is the fact I get to sit at my PC, crack my fingers and write my second Christmas-themed blog article. Yes this is the missive in which I get to vent my spleen about how much I bloody hate Christmas. Fantastic!

Of course, there’s always the challenge of how to relate this irksome season in some way to cars and car related stuff.  I’ll admit for a short while I thought: what the hell, forget cars and just bang on about how irritating Christmas is to me but fair’s-fair you do need a bit of automotive content so here goes.  

It’s actually quite lucky for this purpose that I was recently working with the resurgent Anglo/Indian Jaguar Land Rover. I can’t tell you about the content of my work but it’s been quite eye-opening to see this company close up.  More satisfying, is that I was in contact with an uncharacteristically successful UK-based car company and that - unlike Christmas - has helped to warm my frigid soul. 

Some of my work has involved a number of visits to the JLR Heritage Centre in Gaydon which for a 'petrol head' is a real treat but also a bit sad seeing all the old cars I remember from my youth. It was a bit like the remains of an extravagant Christmas lunch – so much hard work laid to waste with little left to show for our efforts.  The Centre is a purpose-built facility which has collected examples of the long-gone automotive products of the surrounding counties and now houses choice examples of the historic cars that were assembled over the years by the West Midlanders.  All yesteryear's motoring life is here with cars we have known and loved and quite a few that we hated. Austin, Leyland, Morris, Rover, MG, Triumph, Sunbeam. No, these are not alternative dwarves for a Christmas Pantomime but instead a roll call of the damned as the British car industry counted down to extinction like the windows on a low-quality advent calendar. The four-wheeled remnants that survive can now only be found in countless classic car gatherings and in centres such as this. 

To add to the ambience, decked around the display halls are the original rough pencil sketches that Alex Issigonis made for the Minor and the Mini as well as many examples of the tinselly advertising material that urged us to buy these varied machines.  There’s even an MGB that's been expertly sliced down the middle like a Yuletide turkey so you can see all the gibbletty widgets that lie within. As interesting, are the prototypes of familiar cars that made the commercial cut and a few that didn't and were thrown aside like unloved stocking fillers. 

Overall, it's well worth a visit although, unfortunately, I don’t think it’s open on Christmas day so no 'get out clause' there I’m afraid. Inevitably there’s also a gift shop where you can buy model cars, books, badges, key rings, tea towels and many other sparkly offerings that you might actually want give someone as a gift. Better even than gold, frankincense or myrrh one might venture.

If there’s a ray of light here, like the wise men's star, I would offer that the Heritage Centre lies at the heart of a (UK based - but Indian owned) company that is now producing cars that you might actually be proud to own.  This comes after the Ford ownership years where X-type Jags were little more than over-decorated Mondeos and turkeys like the unlovely S Type were allowed to rear their ugly heads and sully the reputation of the venerable Jag forever. 

At last things are finally looking up for JLR.  The Range Rover Evoque, Jaguar F Type, Range Rover Sport are now genuine success stories, made with passion and fuelled by brimming order books. More encouraging is that UK car workers are again helping to drive mass market, vehicular innovation in the much-maligned West Midlands. These new British cars can one day take pride of place in the Heritage centre and (hint hint) if I were to find any of these in my Christmas stocking this year it might certainly improve my dim view of the festive season.

So I’ll conclude with the hope that JLR enjoys many more successful Christmases. I'm sure that they will bring festive joy to many people as they go onto greater success, employ more workers and sell to delighted consumers. I'm sure the latter, with a Christmas carol playing on their lips, will use these their exceptional vehicles to visit their friends and families over the holidays.

Do come back as I have more Christmas related things to say but as they say at this time of year you'll have to wait just a few more weeks...

As Easy as One, Two Three

Hello again!  I've been away for a month or two trying to come up with some car related ideas to assail you with. During the car show season it's often easy to come up with a theme as I tour the various car-filled fields of Cheshire encountering something that piques my interest and pretty soon an article splurges forth. 

However, outside of the annual motoring firmament, things are more challenging.  

It seems this problem of inspiration is a common issue and there are others who are often tasked with coming up with ideas on a consistent basis. Whilst I was on holiday recently I happened across the Car Stuff podcast on the How Stuff Works website. The presenters Scott and Ben have had the unenviable task of finding a new car related subject to discuss every week for the past few years. 

And what ground they've covered. I won't list any here but it's worth a listen to some of the subjects they've tackled. It's interesting that they have addressed some of the same themes I've had a go at whilst writing for this blog, developed independently of each other I might add. Proof positive that 'great minds think alike' or indeed that 'fools seldom differ'.

So onto business, and another subject covered by the Car Stuff boys, but one I've been considering for a while.  A few blogs ago I wrote a little about a couple of well-known three-wheeled vehicles: the Bond Bug and its sibling the Reliant Robin. Indeed, when you ask most people in the UK to name a famous three-wheeler, most would state (erroneously) the 'Robin Reliant' before bursting into hysterical laughter. Soon after you'll be talking about 'Del Boy and Rodney' and their 'Robin Reliant' van. Again completely wrong because, as we all know, they actually drove a Reliant Regal Super Van iii. Then, a la Clarkson, they'll talk about Reliants being prone to falling over in corners again, mostly wrong, as the Robin JC abused on TV had been heavily modified to make it tip aided by some over-vigorous driving. The overall impression though is not good and perhaps not without good reason.

However, there are a quite a number of other none-Reliant three wheeled cars (TWC) we could mention, some we're familiar with, and others more obscure that, in spite of their lack of a fourth wheel, are worth discussing. Let's have a brief review of some of the luminaries in this category:

Morgan Three Wheelers

Morgan Motor Company have a long illustrious heritage of producing TWC starting in 1911 with the V Twin. Unlike the delta format of Reliant and Bond models, Morgan used the tadpole configuration for their cars: two wheels in front and one at the back. Arguably, some would say this is more stable given that the steering and powertrain offer useful weight over the front tyres. These cars had a good racing pedigree and despite being made of wood and paper-mache were robust and well-engineered. 

They recently reintroduced this configuration for the modern age as a quirky race day car with a modern 1900cc engine coupled to a Mazda gearbox. For me, when I see a one out and about, I start to get slightly nostalgic about a time when men, dressed in oily overalls and smoking a pipe, messed around with their Morgan in tumbledown sheds tinkering with bits of wood and fettling engines with rudimentary tools. And for some reason I start to hear Jerusalem playing in the background. Who'd have thought a missing wheel would do such a thing?

The Dymaxion

A portmanteau word for a mixed up vehicle. 'Bucky' Fuller, developer of the Dymaxion, car was an inventor, visionary and philanthropist who had a series of both innovative and terrible ideas. This three wheeled behemoth being in the latter category. It was 50% mobile home, 50% car, 100% death trap in which a test driver did indeed die. It was set up in tadpole format with a rear mounted 90 degree tiller steering system and a powerful V8 engine. It resembled what can only be described as a road-going airship and Fuller did foresee a day when it would also fly even despite the terrified protests of its (up to) eleven passengers.  In fact it was utterly impossible to drive, unstable in high winds and, well, just awful. Even Fuller described it as: 'an invention that could not be made available to the general public without considerable improvements.' 

Luckily it didn't get past the prototype phase. There are working versions of it in several museums in the US. Is it worth going to have a look? I shouldn't think so.

Dymaxion  - an idea too far or a wheel too few?

Peel P50

There are three legs on the Isle of Man's flag exactly the same as the number of wheels on a Peel P50 which was manufactured on the island. Acknowledged as the smallest ever production car it was a vehicle so tiny it could easy fit under the wheels of an oncoming bus without the bus driver ever noticing something had happened. 

With a 49cc engine it could do what must have been a noisy and terrifying 37mph in what was little more than an upturned wheelie bin. Worst still there was no reverse gear supplied so you had to get out to pull the car backwards which obviously meant everyone could see you and look on with eyes brimming with pity and mirth.

Isetta Bubble Car

Whilst we may only encounter BMW and Trojan versions of this car it was actually originally designed in Italy and built under license all over the world so there are lots of different variations of this plucky little micro-car. These include a pick-up and a 600cc four seat configuration believe it or not. The standard version was like all in the range was rear-wheel drive with a minuscule 300cc single pot engine which it was good on petrol and surprisingly roomy.  

The only drawback, it was claimed, was if you parked front on too near a wall you'd be trapped in it as you boarded them from the forward facing door. I'm not sure how many skeletal remains have been found in garages as a result of this but I'm sure we'd have heard of them by now. And, despite this minor irritation, it's the one on this list I'd most like to own.

The Isetta Bubble Car the original hatchfront

Mystery Car

There's one more car that's got three wheeled skills but I thought it best not to name it here to avoid annoying you. Instead, if you're intrigued, have a look at this YouTube link: http://youtu.be/VWiRxHJHNWc and then you'll understand. I shall be here at home listening out for laptops and tablets being thrown through windows with the words 'not again!' being screamed in the background.

OK that's it for this month. However, I'll start work soon on my favourite blog of the year the Christmas missive where I do my best to summon up some festive cheer. Wish me well