Fantasy Cars

I'm sure we all dream about our fantasy car from time to time. You know the one: the out of reach sublime motor we hope someday to own. Whilst you might be more than happy with your current classic I'm actually talking about the elusive, exotic and wondrous mechanical creation you'd buy and cherish if you had the unlimited funds required to obtain and maintain such a machine.  Of course, the super-rich, like Jay Leno for example, have been able to make such fantasies come true but even they must desire cars so rare, so few in number, they elude their influence and economic muscle.

For me there are plenty of cars I'd really like to have. Those with good memories will recall some of my previous blogs where I've eluded to them. I've referenced the quirky Hillman Husky, a well-sorted Mini Cooper or a cranky Citroen SM with its six-pot Maserati engine. Unmentioned thus far is a Jensen Interceptor, a Mark 10 Jag and perhaps most exotic of all a Pontiac Aztek; just for shits and giggles I should say and not for making crystal meth. Naturally, this could be a very long list but then I thought: what about cars we've all seen but which we can never really own because, well, they don't truly exist?  I'm talking about the fantasy cars of the movies and popular fiction. Cars that in the minds of their creators have been uniquely modified to help the story, aid the hero or simply to add some mechanical dimension to the entertainment. Here's a few examples so you get the idea:

Doc Brown's Delorian DMC 12

Great Scott! Much has been written about the Delorean DMC 12 not all of it nice. Aficionados know it was envisaged as a high-end sports car designed to offer a truly innovative contender in this market sector. It was planned, on paper, to use new lightweight materials, innovative production techniques and have a radical chassis design to support its mid-slung Wankel engine. Sadly all of these intentions were whittled back one by one by lack of cash, inadequate technology, politics, and bad luck. The eventual stainless steel bodied car with rear mounted PSV engine was compromised in almost every way when it launched in 1981 during one of the deepest recessions in recent memory. Predictably things didn't go well and only 9000 were sold. Pretty soon the car was being consigned to bad car history. It was only when it was transformed into a time machine in Back To The Future that it became a fantasy motor. We all know that at  88 mph it was able to travel through time using Doc Brown's flux capacitor. And like the fabled Phoenix, the DMC 12 has in the intervening years gained a legendary status that transcends its difficult birth. I'd certainly have one if only to travel back far enough in time to place a decent bet on The National so as to avoid the bloody donkeys I always seem to favour.

Delorean DMC 12 on display at JLR Heritage Centre Warwickshire

The Bat Mobile

There have been a number of bat mobiles over the years with each new iteration more outrageous than the last. However, I thought I'd concentrate on the classic sixties version used by Adam West in his tenure as the caped crusader. You all know the one. It was indeed a very unique car probably the most exotic on this list. It was based on a 1955 concept car known as the Lincoln Futura which was never officially launched. Of course, it had a plethora of useful bat tools including a rocket motor, parachute, smoke screen and best of all a 'bat-tering' ram. Apparently the original fifties engine was prone to overheat quite badly and it had a more modern motor fitted to make it useable for filming. Two fibreglass replicas were built but the original metal #1 car is a total one-off and therefore totally irreplaceable. Good luck in adding one of those to your collection Jay.

Fantomas' Citroen DS19

Predictably, as you know, I always look for a way to lever a Citroen DS into my missives but trust me this one's a doozy. Fantomas is an obscure French super villain whose adventures were dramatised in a series of books first published in 1911. This miscreant is a murderer, thief, blackmailer and master of disguise who has, as with most psychopaths, an unquenchable desire to rule or destroy the world. His adventures were made into a series of films in the mid-sixties and his arsenal of madness included a flying Citroen DS19. Yes that's right a flying Citroen which makes quite a change from it being merely broken down. Have a look at this YouTube link and see what you think http://youtu.be/roxqTOAor0I. If you happen to have one of these by the way I'd like to buy it!

James Bond's Aston Martin DB5

I don't think I need say too much more about this iconic car. It's beautiful, deadly and utterly legendary in the pantheon of fantasy cars. Of course, I'd like to own one of these stately British lovelies. Who wouldn't? But having the option of flipping up the top of the gear lever and pressing the little red button, especially when the wife is complaining about my driving, well, I'm not sure I could resist.

Lovely DB5 on display at Gawsworth Classic Car Show May 2015

Michael Knight's Pontiac Trans Am

This car might not be that outrageous looked at through modern eyes. I've already written about my disquiet about the current move towards self-driving cars and K.I.T.T. was an early fictional rendering of this idea. The original highly modified Trans Am was an ultra-high-tech, self-aware automotive companion to crime fighter Michael Knight (David Hasselhoff). The list of capabilities the car offered was probably only limited by the imagination of the writers as they cooked up evermore scenarios in which a car could be made useful in solving crimes. The duller, less entertaining, alternative I suppose would it being parked up outside and participating in the odd car chase looking for a pile of cardboard boxes to drive through. To be fair, the series ran for quite some time and yielded several subsequent TV movies so it was an idea which obviously had some mileage.

Harry Potter's Ford Anglia 105E

Oh I love the Ford Anglia. My granddad got one when he retired in 1975 and used the excuse of taking me for a drive in it to get some respite from my grandma. With its cute little fins and raked rear window it was a great little car. Add it to my list of desired cars please. This one's unique on this list as its the only one to use supernatural powers to do its party pieces; those of flying and invisibility. Apparently J K Rowling had happy memories of trips in an Anglia during her youth so when Harry Potter needed a means other than a broomstick to cover long distances the little Ford was pressed into service. In this regard the Anglia is more akin to Dr Who's Tardis than the more weaponised motors listed above. Still want one though; flying or not.

One of my fantasy cars pictured at Gawsworth Car Show 2015

So there you have it.  There's more I could have added of course: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, any number of Bond cars, Lady Penelope's Roller or even Mad Max's Ford Falcon. The truth of the matter is they're all just figments of various creative peoples' imaginations and none of them really exist which, when you think about it, is a great pity. 

Unsafe At Any Speed

Who amongst us as bona-fide car enthusiasts wouldn’t like to be like Jay Leno the former American chat show host?  I’m sure all will be familiar not only with the man himself but also his awe-inducing collection of cars that he keeps in a purpose-built facility in Los Angeles.  

If you’re not aware then go and visit his website ‘Jay’s Garage’ and see for yourself the massive range of unique, rare, bizarre and desirable motors he has at his disposal.  What a lucky man.  Whether you’d want to own them all – with the massive maintenance charges involved - is debatable but I’m sure if you had free reign there’s one or two you’d happily drive off in! 

Regular readers will have noted I occasionally reference cars I’d put in ‘Anthony’s Garage’ and most are fairly mundane compared to some of the exotic American confections Leno has access to.  To be honest, I’m not a massive fan of Yankee Classics finding many to be rather gauche and, in some cases, egregious and vulgar.  So the chances are that I’d turn my nose up at a lot of Jay’s collection. 

However, at Gawsworth a couple of year’s ago I saw an American car which actually took my fancy; the Chevrolet Corvair Corsa, a car I’d never encountered before.  The sky blue version on display was not only very pretty but was highly unusual as it was one of the few rear engined, air cooled cars produced by the American car giants. Part of its appeal for me was it’s not so long that you couldn’t feasibly park it in Costco and you might actually be able to afford the ‘gas’ required to run it.  

It reminded me a little of an Hillman Imp (which is a car I’d put in my collection) but one that had been sent to pimp-up heaven and returned as an insane, stretched out, fired-up shadow of its former self. What’s more it was for sale.  And, just for a moment, my head suddenly filled with financial calculations that if I hadn’t pulled myself together might have had me negotiating with the owner. Luckily, good sense prevailed and we moved on after suitably complementing the vendor on his car. 

Later, when I had a moment, I fired up t’internet and had a shufty around to find out more about this automotive vision that had grabbed my attention (and very nearly my money).  Interestingly, it was a car that had been referenced by the designers of the Imp as they were mapping out their rear engine effort which I thought was a bit spooky. More startling though was that the Corvair is one of the most controversial American Cars ever made. At this point I understood why my interest had been piqued. I think I have an instinct that causes me to gravitate towards cars that just don’t conform. Whether it’s their design, innovation, their problematic nature or simply that they’re death traps. I seem to like them.  Hmmm must ponder on that a bit more but for now let’s return to the Corvair. 

The very early model Corvairs (1960 – 63) were heavily criticised in a book called: Unsafe At Any Speed by Ralph Nader (1965). The primary issue being the rear swing-axle suspension which, it was claimed, had the potential to ‘tuck under’ in extreme conditions making the car inherently dangerous at the driving limits. Combined with the highly unequal pressures recommended for the front and rear tires (intended to balance out the handling) this created, Nader claimed, an accident waiting to happen. The alleged root cause was the insidiously prevalent trade-off between cost to build and safety that was used by US car manufacturers in an age when NCAP safety ratings and ‘moose tests’ were not such an issue.  Nader's attack did materially affect the car’s reputation and sales to the point that the suspension was redesigned in later models so perhaps in this case he did the American car buyer a favour.  

As the controversy rolled on, tests carried out in the seventies by learned engineers on the suspect 1960 – 63  models, pronounced the Corvair was no more prone to safety issues than competitor cars such as the VW Beetle or Renault Dauphine. In the end this research did little to convince industry big wigs (including John Delorean) who agreed that Nader was largely right and declared the Corvair to be an ‘unsafe’ and ‘terrible’ car.

Nader went onto highlight many issues with contemporary American cars such as the danger that elaborate internal and external ornamentation posed to drivers and pedestrians. His arguments were often very prescient and included now familiar issues such as the positive effects that mandatory seat belt wearing would have on accident survival and how cars contribute to pollution levels. All seem pretty reasonable one would think but only when looked at with a modern day perspective.  At the time the book was heavily attacked by the industry, many of its claims were strongly refuted and Nader became the subject of harassment, blackmail and personal attacks for which senior car industry figures were later forced to apologise.  

As ever, in these cases, there’s no clear cut outcome. Unsafe At Any Speed divided opinion and has in the intervening years been described as one of the most harmful books of the twentieth century. Harmful to whom is the key question one thinks…

What is true is that a Chevrolet Corvair made it to the car show I attended safely enough and Jay Leno has a 1966 model in his garage so I can only leave it to posterity to decide the ultimate fate of this conflicted car. Whether I’ll contribute financially to that debate is, I think, now open to question.

                                                                     Copyright Anthony Boe 2015.  All Rights Reserved