Festive Fromage

Is it Christmas? I’m afraid so. Seems to come quicker every year. Time to spend cash you don’t have. Eat food you don’t really need. Drink more than is healthy for you. And watch bad TV including the same tired old films.

It sounds like I don’t enjoy it. Well, that’s not entirely true. At least I get to sit down and write this blog to vent my ire about the festive season. So it’s not all bad I suppose...

Amongst the many complications, Christmas poses for me is working out what I can write. How, can I find another car-themed angle to slag off the festive season in this moribund blog?

Then it dawned on me.  This is after all one of the cheesiest times of year with all its faux goodwill and obligatory excess. So, I decided to embrace it in a similar spirit. Seek out the most egregious festive fromage and deliver it to you by the bucket load.

I made it my mission to find as many cars as I could that have a Christmas theme. Sounds like a tall order you would think. Even so, with only a bit of Googling, I soon had enough spurious material to make you regret you ever read this piece. But, if you do decide to read on, why not settle back; grab a seasonal glass of eggnog and a mince pie to sustain you. It’s time to get cheesy. Brace yourselves.

Mazda Carol

I’ll start easy. Carols are an essential part of a traditional Christmas. Joyful ruddy-faced people singing their hearts out on the doorstep. ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’ and all that. Maybe they drove to your neighbourhood in a Mazda Carol.

In the UK, it’s actually a Suzuki Alto. Still very apt of course. In whatever case, you try to look joyous as you open the door and they blare out their hymn. But as the song plays out, in the back of your mind you’re concerned about all the heat that’s escaping. You’re also hoping you have some loose change because, well, a fiver’s a lot of cash!

Riley Elf

Every time I see a Riley Elf, I have the same thought. ‘What the hell is it?’ I think I’d have the same reaction if I saw an actual Elf. Is it a Mini with a superiority complex? A peculiar mechanical homunculus. Did they put fifties features on the innovative Mini to appeal to conservative punters?

To my mind, the Elf was a bizarre attempt by Marketing to make the Mini sell well in the shires. I suspect the badge engineers of the 1960s posed it as a joke. How surprised they were when it got a green light? As for me, I don’t get it. Even all these years later. A bit like Christmas in fact.

TVR Vixen

Christmas is a time when plastic abounds.  Toys, wrapping, decorations, shopping bags, Lidl sausage rolls, are all made of plastic. So is the TVR Vixen. Santa’s plastic reindeer if you like. Add the fact that TVRs were built in Blackpool, one of the most plastic, tacky places on Earth, and it becomes clear. The fibreglass TVR Vixen is an obvious candidate for this festive list. I’m sure you’ll agree.

Blitzen Benz

From the ridiculous to the sublime. Another reindeer, but one of unicorn-like rarity and legend.  Only six of these cars were made in 1909. Aerodynamically designed, it had a 21-litre engine that used chains to drive the rear wheels. It was quite a beast.  Its purpose was to break the land speed record, which it successfully did in 1911. It achieved a dizzying 141 mph. Some cars transcend the ordinary and the Blitzen Benz is one of them. Maybe Christmas 2017 will be that extraordinary too.

Hyundai Santa Fe

Did I save the best for last? Hardly. The Hyundai Santa Fe is the weakest car on the list. I’ve cynically used one small aspect of the car’s name and twisted it out of context. All for my shoddy contra-Christmas purposes. Shame on you Anthony!

If anything, this literary conceit illustrates the seemly aspects of the yuletide season. An idea stretched to breaking point. Where mundane products get a makeover. All to make them more festive, and more expensive. Where high expectation meets with crushing disappointment. Where after so much preparation, it’s all over so quickly. Leaving expanded waistlines, rubbish to dispose of and a sink full of washing up.

Is it that bad?

I hope that many of you will take issue with my stance. Choose to embrace the season of goodwill with a rib-crushing bearlike hug. Good for you.  You are the Yang to my Yin and I congratulate you for it.  Balancing the shade with the light is what makes our world somewhere worth living.

If I were to be very candid, I don’t actually mind Christmas that much. True, you’re unlikely to find me wearing a Santa hat as I do my Christmas shopping. But I’m doing the shopping nonetheless. Buying my loved ones something they’ll like to thank them for putting up with me during the year.

So I hope you’ll believe me when I say I hope you have a great Christmas and a stonking New Year. If you’re out and about in your classic over the festive season, do take care. Don’t forget, it’s only a few short months before we can again gather in a field somewhere. To again indulge our love of all things old and mechanical. 

Till 2018, y’all take care of yourselves!

Remember, Remember

The Fifth of November. The gunpowder treason and plot; I know of no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. So goes the old rhyme, sung by everyone at this time of year.

Bonfire night is a distinctly British tradition. It's a night when we ooh! at fireworks with all their colour and noise. Children and adults will enjoy a surfeit of toffee apples and Parkin. And they'll warm their hands on a bonfire as they watch a 'Guy' melt. Then again, we may stay at home because it's raining.

Whether you participate or not, Guy Fawkes Night is when we remember that crimes against the monarchy have dire consequences. It’s where the opening poem originated. The burning of a Guy is symbolic of a notorious traitor - Guido Fawkes. On 5th November 1605, he unsuccessfully tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament along with King James I. He and his cohort were caught, tried and gruesomely executed for their treachery.  

Bonfire Night hammers home the message that high treason is rarely forgotten. The crime still exists on the UK statute book and remains a serious one. However, long imprisonment is now the penalty.

So far, so historical but where are the cars?

Well, over the years, there have been a number of events where a car has been at the centre of a treasonous plot. At this time of year, it seems apt to have a look at some of these vehicles and the part they played. So, as fireworks pop and fizzle up above and bonfire smoke perfumes the autumn air, let’s have a look-see...

1963 Lincoln Continental Convertible

For John F Kennedy his car was not the only thing with a soft top once Lee Harvey Oswald had finished his work. Orthodoxy has it he assassinated the President on 22nd November 1963 but there are many who disagree.

Taking aim from the Texas Book Depository in Dealey Plaza, it’s claimed Oswald ended Kennedy’s presidency. The assassination kicked off a litany of conspiracy theories that rage to the present day. Linked to this most notorious of crimes is the Lincoln Continental in which Kennedy and his wife travelled. It will remain a defining image of one of the most shattering and well-remembered days in post-war history.

1914 Gräf & Stift Double Phaeton Drop Head.

Gavrilo Princip is the most famous man that most will only vaguely know. The man who in June 1914 assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand in Sarajevo. The murder precipitated the events that caused The Great War. And the mass slaughter that came thereafter.

If that wasn’t bad enough, sheer dumb luck delivered the Archduke into Princip’s hands. Franz and his wife had survived the initial attempt on their lives earlier in the day.  Princip had fled the scene, but several onlookers were injured.

Ferdinand decided to visit them in hospital. En route, the chauffeur of the convertible Gräf & Stift Double Phaeton took a wrong turn. Into Franz Joseph Street where Princip happened to be. He seized this second chance, raised his gun and the rest, as they say, is history.

1942 Mercedes-Benz W142 Convertible

Whilst some treasonous acts may be considered shocking, others should be seen as just desserts. In the case of the 1942 assassination of Reinhardt Heidrich a leading Nazi, never was anyone more deserving.

Described by Hitler as "the man with the iron heart", historians view him as one of the darkest figures of the Nazi high command. His tenure as Acting Reich-Protector of Bohemia and Moravia saw a ruthless scourge of these occupied Czech provinces.

It’s little wonder that Jan Kubiš and Jozef Gabčík were sent to assassinate him. On 27^th May 1942, they hijacked his open top Mercedes in Prague intending to shoot him. Alas, their British Sten machine gun jammed and they had to improvise by throwing a bomb under the car. This fatally injured Heidrich and he died a week later. The cause of death was sepsis caused by embedded horsehair from the Mercedes’ seats. And of course his arrogance in travelling in an open top car without protection.

1962 Citroen DS19 Prestige

We’re here again. But with good cause, I hope you’ll agree. In 1962, pro-Algerian militiamen set upon President Charles de Gaulle as he travelled in a DS 19 Prestige. As machine gun fire peppered the scene the presidential DS, although bullet-ridden, was able to drive away at full speed. Despite having two tires shot out. The plot was duly foiled.

De Gaulle acknowledged that the hydraulic suspension of the DS saved his life. It had compensated for the tire damage enabling a quick getaway. The event was recreated in The Day Of The Jackal for those who want to see what happened. Once caught, the conspirators were tried and executed by firing squad. Maybe they cursed Citroen’s innovations as the fatal shots rang out.

What can we learn from these treacherous tales of woe?

Well, if you do happen to be head of state, the lessons are clear. Don’t use a convertible car. As we have seen, they don't offer much protection. Have a good chauffeur. One that knows where he’s going and can put his foot down when needed. Try to be nice to your subjects. It won’t help in all cases, but it should improve your chances of not dying.

Finally, favour a hydraulic Citroen as your stately conveyance. Assuming it starts in the morning, it’ll enhance the chances of returning you to your palace in the evening. Any other choice might mean your term as sovereign crashes and burns.

Much like the Guy on a seasonal bonfire. Funnily enough...

Hell on Wheels

So summer’s all but gone. Winter is coming. As the nights close in, our thoughts turn to darker themes. Like the cold of the coming months. The carpet of dead autumnal leaves that symbolise the inexorable circle of life. The sadness of putting our cars away, safe from the salty roads until the 2018 show season.

What do we have to look forward to? Well, there's Bonfire Night. And the bizarre thing they call Black Friday. Where did that come from? Of course, the misery of Christmas approaches too (more on that in the December blog).

First up on this roll call of melancholy is All Hallows Eve. Halloween as it's known. A night brimming with faux horror. Of costumed children running around begging for sweets. When exasperated parents try to carve spooky images into a Tesco pumpkin. Wondering how their life went so badly awry. Pound shops all over the country will be selling hordes of cheap, ghost-themed crap. All as we descend into yet another so-called ‘holiday’ based on the US commercial model.

Having depressed you, perhaps you expect me to lift the mood with something chirpy. Sorry, not this time I'm afraid. I've decided to embrace this crepuscular theme in this month's blog. It’s my Stygian contribution to the unwelcome changing of the season.

We all enjoy our cars and have no reason to fear them per se. Unfortunately, even the most mundane car can transform into a sinister icon. Usually when associated with evil people or grisly events. So, this Halloween here's my rundown of some of history's most infamous vehicles.

Why not lock your doors, turn the lights down low and read on. If you dare that is…

1968 VW Beetle

We all know an evil person conceived the Bug. By exploiting the engineering genius of Ferdinand Porsche the ‘people’s car’ was born. Not the best start. It was the British Army and some Californian hippies who rehabilitated the car’s image. By the mid-1960s, the Beetle was in vogue.

Unfortunately, Ted Bundy spoiled the party. In the seventies, he used his 1968 Beetle to commit a series of appalling murders. Maybe, his non-threatening Bug helped to lure the doomed women into Bundy’s clutches. Perhaps the anonymous nature of the VW helped him to hide in plain sight, evading capture.

It took too long to apprehend him and too many lives cut short. In 1989, he too met his destiny in Florida’s electric chair. His VW is on display in a Washington museum.

Is this woman doomed?

1934 Citroen Traction Avant

We're back on planet Citroen. Before the DS, there was the Traction Avant. The world’s first mass-produced, front-wheel drive car. And few would disagree that the TA moved car production forward a good few notches. They were advanced, fast and surefooted. With low-slung looks, the TA cemented Citroen’s reputation as an innovative carmaker.

Many will associate the TA with George Simenon’s perspicacious detective Maigret. But sinister types liked them too. The cars were so good Gestapo officers favoured them during the occupation. The French mafia were also fans. Both used the car for their dark agendas. None of which were in the Citroen sales brochure I'm sure.

A great car. But not always in a good way

1966 Buick Electra 225

Many famous people have met their end in a car accident. James Dean, Eddie Cochran, Grace Kelly, and Marc Bolan all suffered a vehicular demise.

Jayne Mansfield was arguably the most notorious. A fifties starlet with a racy reputation. Some would pun that she had a big future in front of her.

Alas, in 1967 a fatal encounter between her Buick and a tractor ended all that. It's said she was decapitated in the accident. At least lurid headlines claimed so. Apparently, it's not true but that's cold comfort at best. If there's good here, it's that legislation required that future farm vehicles had to fit a protective barrier. Known as a Mansfield bar they helped to prevent future fatal occurrences.

1956 Austin Westminster A90

In the Thien Mu Pagoda in the Vietnamese city of Hue, there's an infamous motoring artefact. In 1963, Buddhist monk Thich Quang Duc drove to Saigon in a battered pale blue Austin Westminster A90. On arrival, he sat down at an intersection, doused himself in petrol and burned himself alive. All in a dramatic protest about religious freedom.

The image captured at the time is an iconic piece of photojournalism that will be familiar to all. The car is now a religious relic and a unique example of how even a humble car can become a symbol of devotion. It's a grisly way to make a point though.

1966 Chevrolet Impala

All good ghost stories should leave the reader slightly disquieted at the denouement. If there's a conclusive ending, it rather misses the point to my mind. Luckily, we have the mysterious Zodiac Killer. He terrorised Northern California in the late sixties with his serial murders.

It's generally thought he used a 1966 Chevrolet Impala to aid his misdeeds. He claimed a death toll of 37 people in his bizarre zodiac inspired letters to the press. Frighteningly he was never caught, he could still be alive. Even today, he may be pulling the cover from a mothballed Impala and thinking ‘it’s time’…

We can't blame the cars for any of this misfortune, can we? They were inert accomplices to the various sticky ends we have discussed. It's only the addition of an evil or unlucky person that guarantees their place in infamy.

The testament to this is that none of the cars involved was shunned for their part in these misfortunes. We can still see many of them at shows and tootling around on a pleasant Sunday drive. I hope that thought will reheat your bones a little.

So, whatever you're doing this Halloween do enjoy yourself. And of course, sleep well and don't have nightmares. Toodle pip…

Can I have an e please Colin…?

I'm not sure when it dawned on me. Perhaps it was when I saw a couple of them parked together and thought ‘do they all begin with an e?’ There's an old one parked up near me. It never seems to move but I decided to saunter over and have a look. And lo and behold, its badge read Europa. Maybe it was when I asked the question ‘what the hell does Exige mean?’ Was that the moment the penny dropped? Who knows? Nevertheless, my brow was sufficiently furrowed for it to start to bug me.

Whatever the reason, it all came into focus at some point. A realisation that had been staring me in the face for years. Of course, you all know by now what I'm talking about. The fact that all Lotus car model names seem to start with an e. And they’re weird words to boot. So, in my never-ending quest to find content to fill these pages, I decided to look into this and understand how this came to be. And whilst this thesis doesn't hold as much water as I would hope, it does have some mileage. So let's have a look.

I mentioned recently that my interest in Lotuses (Lotusi?) was fueled by the tricked out Esprit used by Roger Moore in his Bond films. The white wedge of turbocharged death. With guided missiles and excellent waterproofing, it was the Dinky toy I coveted above all. In later life, I came to understand that this was a prop made for a film. I learned that Lotus is a brand that has produced many interesting cars besides the Elite. Not all of them that waterproof.

And many of which start with an e…

Do they all start with a damned e?

To prove my point, try this. List all the Lotuses you can remember. Straight off the cuff, no Googling. Here goes: Elite, Elise, Europa, Exige, Excel, Elan and the errr…Seven. That's all I can do. So, after phoning a friend you’ll find there's also: Evora, Eleven, Éclat and Exos. They even had a small city car in the pipeline called the Ethos, which they cancelled.

That's a lot of e words. Not all actual words to be slightly critical.

Lotus started as a racing team as most will know. Founded in 1952 by the legendary Colin Chapman, the company made high-performance racing cars. They soon built an enviable reputation for developing world-beating track and formula cars.

In this time, a normal driver could only buy a Lotus in kit form for road use. The most iconic of these being the Seven.

The e tradition started in 1957 with the kit based Elite. Until then, the cars had a numerical designation laid out in roman form. This approach actually lead to the e series. When the Eleven was developed, Chapman liked the way it looked written down in words and the e series nomenclature was born.

So even when they rejected the kit car format and moved into producing finished cars the e tradition endured. Other than that, there doesn't seem to have been a grand plan. Just cool or appropriate e-words applied to each car after little or no brainstorming. For example, Elise it's said was the name of a Lotus Chairman’s granddaughter. That’s random!

Bizarrely, this realisation has caused me to worry for Lotus. They're locked into a pattern where they have to find interesting e words to apply to their cars. They started plundering other languages for some reason. Exige and Evora are Portuguese words believe it or not. Worse still, Evora translates as Yew tree of all things. I'm sure if they worked a bit harder, they'd find some great words in the e section of the OED.

Given the terrible financial problems that besieged Lotus in the 1980s maybe they couldn't afford a dictionary. They got caught up in the DeLorean malarkey. Combined with other dubious financing machinations, things quickly started to disintegrate. The stress of this helped to end Colin Chapman’s existence and he exited the world at the early age of 52.

A Chinese company called Geely now owns Lotus, (just like many other formerly British businesses). Happily, it still makes cars at its UK base in Norfolk. And what good cars they are. Cool, fast and all with a strange name that starts with an e.

So, to give me some closure I thought I would wrack my brains and try and think of some good e-based English words. To name future Lotusi.

Here's what I've come up with. Endeavour, Eclipse, Endure, Effulgence, Emoji, Elvira, Enteritis and Egregious, which is perhaps the most apt.

There must be something there they can use. Perhaps, you have some better ideas, so send them in! 

Until next time…

Irish Stew

So goes the old joke.

For those who haven’t heard it: Knock, knock. Who’s there?  Irish stew.  Irish stew who?  Irish stew in the name of the law.

Boom boom and all that! Not the best joke in the world. Not even a joke by modern standards. Not even funny to our sophisticated ears. It has graced the mottoes of Christmas crackers since Moses was a teenager.

I know, I know. What’s he banging on about this for you wonder. Well, remarkably, I do have a point. Have a look at the following picture. It’s of a Ford Crown Vic American police car owned by an acquaintance.

It was bought via a specialist website, and imported to the UK. It’s fully functional by the way. With blues and twos sirens, security cage and even a gun box in the trunk (no firearm though). To all intents and purposes, it’s still a viable US police car. It also reminded me of the Irish stew joke for some reason.

It’s a very powerful machine with a 4.6 litre V8 block. Festooned with external devices for ramming and halting cars in police chases it could do some serious damage if used as designed. You wouldn’t think it would be allowed. Wonder what insurance group it is?

In the UK, our police have equivalents to this monster. Usually souped-up BMWs, they prowl the A roads late at night looking for TWOKKERS and other miscreants. It wasn’t always the case though. There have also been some well-dodgy cars used to protect and serve us.

So I thought I’d do a quick survey of some of our less effective police cars. Tragic examples that have sullied our roads over the years. I’ll mention some of the best too.

Morris Minor et al

Am I old enough to remember a Moggie police car? I’m not sure. Even so, they certainly existed, as did with Minis, Metros and Austin A35s. Known as Panda cars in cuddlier times, they pottered around in bucolic idylls and leafy villages where crime is never committed. Places like Midsomer, Ambridge or St Mary Mead.

The nearest they would come to a high-speed chase would be in pursuit of a drunken farm hand. They would draw up alongside him as he tottered home on his bike. No doubt after too much scrumpy cider in the village pub.

Austin Allegro

Ah, my old favourite. Yes, they used Allegros as police cars. I will write that again. They used Allegros as police cars! Just google a picture of one with comical blue lights plonked on top like a clown’s hat. You can imagine criminals bursting into fits of laughter at the thought of them. And as for being caught in the act. They'll have hopped it whilst the coppers tried to start the godforsaken thing. Good grief.

The most desirable

To be fair, not all early police vehicles were criminal choices. There have been some desirable offerings too. The Daimler SP250 Dart being a good example. Acquired for their speed, they easily chased Ford Anglias or Austin Cambridges that had crept up to a dizzying 32 mph.

More accurately, these powerful cars were acquired to catch high-powered MK2 Jags or burly Ford Zephyrs. Not sure what they did when they apprehended the ne'er-do-wells though. Let’s face it, there’s not a lot of room in the back for handcuffed crim’s is there?

Mark 2 Jags, S Types & Rover P6

That’s more like it. Cars with a bit of grunt. Ideal to chase down the bad guys. Brought into service due to police drivers pleading for decent wheels I'd wager. With too few arrests in the cheap city cars they’d been issued, it was getting embarrassing. Other constabularies opted for the 3.5 litre Rover P6. Whilst maybe not as prestigious, they were still good for the job. Bet traffic officers arrived at work early to get the good cars in those days!

Range Rovers (various)

Still used today. The four-wheel drive Range Rover is certainly a sensible choice for a motorway cop car. These vehicles have to give service in all sorts of difficult conditions so they need to be competent. With a solid engine, room for useful stuff and excellent road stability, early Range Rovers were a solid choice and marked a turning point. One where the Fuzz finally realised that good, utilitarian cars were not a false economy.

Probably the best of the bunch would be the Mark 2 Ford Lotus Cortina. A great car with a brilliant engine. Looked at today, these fantastic cars seem too good to be mixing it with low-lifes on the motorway network. But as historic police cars go, it's the best of the bunch: practical, fast and very, very cool.

Let’s stay safe out there people…

I’ve done a few pieces on working cars in previous blogs. These are the unsung vehicles that tough it out day after day. Those used by the boys and girls in blue work as hard as any others. All to keep us safe and preserve the peace. But they’ve made some bizarre car choices over years, as we have seen.

Today, they have muscular cars with state of the art kit. Modern police cars bristle with crime busting technology that make a wrongdoer’s capture inevitable. My advice is not to tangle with them at all. Especially if you’re out and about in your classic. It won’t end well, methinks.

Is that a..?

Have you had enough of old car magazines? I have! Time to think about other things. Luckily, in our Classic Car world there's always plenty to occupy us. By now, we are well into the 2017 show season. Already I have a few outings under my belt so here's to lots of cars-in-a-field action for the rest of the year.

We're going to encounter many familiar cars as we stroll around and that's reassuring. Knowing both owners and cars are still going strong, keeping themselves and their motors on the scene. It means their passion remains. We can look forward to seeing show grounds fill up with these automotive lovelies year on year.

I thought I'd give some thought to the cars I'd most like to see if I could influence this in any way. Indeed, this has already happened perhaps. Did everyone see the Cord 812 Beverly at Gawsworth Car Show? I had only included a reference to these cars in a recent blog and lo and behold, there it was.

What a car it is! As muscular a machine as you are likely to see. A prewar rocket ship. Resplendent in glossy black with its coffin front and prehensile external exhausts. In recent years, it clocked 110 mph at Bonneville flats. That's quick for a 70+ year old production car. Wow!

Wow! Just, wow!

So what else would make my day?

Well, as we recently lost Sir Roger Moore it would be great to see a white Lotus Elite as a sort of automotive tribute. If Sir Sean's Bond had the DB5, then Moore's car is definitely a Lotus.

People of my generation delighted in the tricked-out Elite from The Spy Who Loved Me. It's so quintessentially seventies. With its dramatic wedge shape and egregious capabilities. I'm not sure if it's due to build quality or rarity we see more DB5s on the scene than Elites. Let's hope one turns out this year.

Right what next? I know! What about a Citroen SM? You all know I'm a Citrophile but everyone loves the over-the-top, and very rare, SM.

This is a Citroen DS crashed into a Maserati Merak. The SM combines the hydro-pneumatic marvels of the French marque, with a six cylinder, 2.7-litre Maserati engine. All with a distinctive body that screams 'yes I'm French, you got a problem with that?'

As a GT car it was fast, comfortable and innovative. Amongst its many qualities is its Divari steering system. This gets heavier the faster the car's going. It ensures stability and the ability to maintain a straight line if car loses a tire. There are a couple undergoing restoration around Stockport to my knowledge. Let's hope one makes it into a field in Cheshire very soon.

Isn't she/he lovely?

From the sublime to the more mainstream. What about a late model Datsun Cherry? In fact, any classic Datsun would be good. There are a few knocking around but not enough. Their rarity is because of their vulnerability to rust. The two Cherries I owned were not outwardly pretty. Nevertheless, mechanically they were brilliant.

Try to find an old Datsun to buy. They are as easy to find as an honest politician and when good ones arrive, they ain't cheap. I'd be love to see the eastern sun rising on one of these on a future weekend morning.

OK, what else? You all know about my obsession with Hillman Imps and there are a good few about so no problems there. However, even amongst Imp enthusiasts, the Sunbeam Stiletto Californian is a coveted car. Still a humble Imp but with a hotter engine, sporty fastback and racier looks. Even the little dagger decals are super cool, as are the gilled hubcaps.

As Imps go, this is the top of the tree and they are rare. If I see one I'll be angling for a sit in.

Right, I'll allow myself one more so it needs to be a good un. OK here we go. Let's have something French again, outrageous and stupendously exotic. I only recently read about one of these and immediately thought, 'what the hell is that?'

So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 1948 Talbot Lago T26 Grand Sport. Only twelve of these unbelievable cars exist and all are different in some way. Although there was wide range of Lago cars from Talbot this one takes the Sable Breton.

Only the French

Look at it! Have you ever seen anything so sublime? This is car design where art and engineering are in perfect harmony. It's luxury personified. Only the French, with their love of philosophy in form and function, could conceive of such a thing. I'd walk a long way across a field to view one. It'd be the highlight of my show year if one turned up.

So there you have it. No doubt, you could make you own list, there are plenty of other recherché rides to consider. But no matter what’s on show, I'm sure we will all enjoy our days out this year. Enjoying life in the company of plenty of polished pride and joys. So see you soon

A Brave New (Motoring) World

It's interesting looking at the past through modern eyes isn't it?  I hope you agree, and have enjoyed my peregrinations through the old Autocar magazines that I've been perusing lately. So far, I've concentrated on the pre-WW2 editions where the motoring world was still in its infancy and cars were an expensive luxury.

Luckily, I have magazines that cover cars in the immediate post-war period and which feature vehicles with which we may be more familiar. Indeed, some amongst us may own a few of the models I'll mention.

We see that vehicles have changed. The angular cars of the thirties gave way to cars with curves and rounded panels offering both form and function. No doubt, considerations like aerodynamics, post-modern aesthetics and monocoque construction were the reasons.

The cars now reflect the austerity of the age where the ostentatious, gas guzzlers of the thirties no longer make sense. Peacetime cars, made from scare materials offered better mileage from rationed fuel. Sociologically speaking, we can see the increased democratisation of motoring. The cars, although expensive, edged nearer to the budget of the average family with all the economic advances that would bring.

It's worth noting that UK motoring manufacture started to coalesce into a limited number of familiar brand names. We will all recognise these brands. The exotic wannabes of the pre-war years largely stymied by the lack of commercial opportunities. Wrenched away by total war.

By 1949, our old friend SS Cars had rebadged to Jaguar. The connotations of their pre-war moniker tossed in the bin reserved for unfortunate brand names. The motoring press were swooning over the XK120, the supercar of the day. This beauty had wowed by achieving 136mph on a Belgian 'motorroad'. With a burgeoning range of motoring lovelies to their name Jaguar's future was assured.

What I found in a later mag 1960 mag' is interesting. Have a look at this picture of the Bertone designed Maserati 3000. Is it me or does this look like a seventies XJS to you? If you squint your eyes, it's remarkably similar. Makes you wonder...

As we progress to the early sixties, familiar names abound: Capri, Anglia, Rover 75 and Hillman Minx. There was even an early Jensen Interceptor made in 1961. Here's me assuming that the latter was the name given only to the thrusting 'ubercar' launched in 1966. Who knew?

We also see the emergence of names we now take for granted. Take VW for example. A car brand with a murky past. Here the Autocar mags extol VW's virtues with no questions asked about its dubious genesis. It's well known that it was the British Army who revived the manufacturing of the Beetle after the war. They preserved Hitler's 'peoples' car' not as the symbol of an evil, fascist regime, but as Ferdinand Porsche's engineering tour de force.

On the same theme, I quite like the look of this VW 1500 from 1961. It's the very early version of what are known as the VW Notchback/Variant/Squareback. This is the VW I'd own if I were going down that road. Typically, you don't see too many of these out and about so it’s a rare car but interesting too.

The only car that doesn't seem to have settled on a name is the 'luxurious' Austin Seven. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a Mini and the year is 1961. Marketing hadn't yet done their 'thing' so the 'Seven' was laden with a stuffy, functional name, rather than one that would appeal to the masses. Soon, it would become the Mini that we all know and love and claim its rightful place in motoring history.

Finally, something that made its way into all our lives, and cars. The 'Guardian' three-point safety belt, demonstrated in this picture. Seat belts were by no means mandatory in 1961 and it was years before they became standard fit on all cars. Nonetheless, here is one you could buy and install yourself if safety was a concern. I wonder how many sales they made in these circumstances.

What is clear is that this modest innovation is one that has helped the most to improve car safety. How many lives has it saved? How many people after a shunt have lived to tell the tale due to this simple product? As ever, it took too many years and too much protest from penny-pinching OEMs, for it to become standard kit. Now, of course, it's a legal imperative but I'm shocked that even today some still shun wearing one.

So there you have it. Modernity was on the way and motoring, as we know it, was here. And whilst there was still a good few twists and turns to come, these cars are starting to feel familiar. Having seen many of them on show in various fields in Cheshire it's interesting to see them described as new.

So now that the showing season is on its way I'll look forward to encountering them again with fresh eyes. All thanks to a pile of crumbling car magazines.

See you out and about!

Off With The Edd

I don’t know why but I felt slightly sad when I heard this week that Edd China, the towering mechanic from Wheeler Dealers, has left the show due to ‘artistic differences’. Having watched the show from the very beginning, over the years I came to see him as a sort of sage mentor offering me insight and tips to help me avoid tragic issues when fettling my classic.

Apparently, Velocity, the new producers, want fiddle with the format dumbing down the technical bits because they’re difficult and time consuming to film. This decision made regardless of the fact that these segments are the most enjoyable element of the show. Especially to those who actually like cars and are watching in active, learning mode. 

Apparently this change is due to the continued success of the programme where it has grown from niche cable viewing with a mainly UK audience, to one which is shown all over the world. Talk about being a victim of one's success but it’s probably been brewing for a while.

Such a shame.  I can now see becoming over dramatised and awkwardly edited to accommodate multiple US advert breaks. It will become littered with engineered incidents and replete with unnecessary dramas, imaginary deadlines and overblown cliff-hangers. Just look at shows like Sin City Motors or Fast N’ Loud as examples of that type of format. Oh dear…

I also suspect that more emphasis will go onto Mike Brewer as the cheeky British chappie that the Americans seem to like so much.

As for me, I prefer the depiction of an Englishman; King of his shed fettling his motor, attending to the details and stoically doing the job properly. That, alas, was Edd’s former role.

The new boy is Ant Anstead a well-respected car restorer who will no doubt do an excellent job of the resto’s. However, it’s sure we’ll see less of him and his socket set than we’re used to. That’s probably one of the main reasons I’ll watch: to see the difference. Who knows, it might be like when they change Dr Who: awkward for a while then you don’t notice the difference. I doubt it though.

Wheeler Dealers is the Daddy of car restoration shows TV. Well before this format became the vogue, Mike and Edd have been buying cars, doing them up and flogging them on effectively defining the tone and content of these types of show. It mattered not that cockney geezer Mike often buys cars of dubious quality and doesn't pay Edd a penny in labour to offset the profits.

Over the years they've done up many cars and have progressed from car-lot lemons to high-end motors as their budgets and popularity have increased. Although they have flexed the format over time, the main USP in this show was we saw the restoration being work done in useful detail.  And in that role Edd’s stature grew from backroom boy to greasy-gloved co-host to the benefit of the show to my mind.

I can honestly say I've found Edd's various advices useful as he tackled the oily fingered problems that Mike failed to spot on his buying journeys. In doing so, he has offered some genuinely useful hints and tips when dealing with complex engineering issues.

So, if we no longer find Wheeler Dealers to our taste, what are the alternatives?  Here’s my view of a couple of rival shows that might fill the void.

For the Love of Cars

Channel Four gave this a Sunday night 'Top Gear' airing slot perhaps because they assumed there was a population of blokes going cold turkey for some petrol-head action whilst this other troubled show was is off the air . To my mind, this is done to good effect. As required by the format there's a technical/none-technical duo the former being Philip Glennister, who banters with grease monkey Ant Anstead whose job it is to find rare and interesting motors to do up and flog.

The dynamic is a bit different in this format as Glennister doesn't do a great deal of the heavy lifting but gets to drive the cars, meets experts and owners and narrates interesting background info' about the chosen motors. 

Ant tends to buy the cars and required parts and remains locked in his garage to do the work only emerging to go to various suppliers as the car work progresses and as part of the final triumphant drive of the gleaming results. There is some technical detail but not much.

Overall, the format works well. There's some genuine passion from all involved and the quality of the resulting motors is high meaning they fetched eye-watering prices when sold at auction in the final show. Now Anstead has jumped ship I wonder if series three will ensue – with Edd perhaps!

Car SOS

A few years ago, someone in the Channel 4 organisation thought they'd invoke the classic car zeitgeist by offering another, more philanthropic, programme format. In this effort, they try to pull at our heartstrings by secretly stealing the neglected classics of various people who have had bad luck, do them up in secret and conclude the show with a big emotional reveal to the (hopefully) astonished owner.

Again, it's a two-man effort with Tim Shaw as the roving parts procurer and Fuzz Townshend as the man with the spanners. Luckily, both are competent and likeable and we do get to see some involving engineering that appeals to the hard-core petrol head.

Glossing over the fact that what you're witnessing might be defined as a managed TWOC 'ing or the equivalent of breaking into a house and decorating it, the show does try to take us through the process of restoring, finding parts and doing authentic, good quality work on some interesting and rare cars. It even uses some very creative ruses to cover up the 'crime' and get the clueless owners in situ for the final unveiling.

As they are now getting on for nearly 100 cars restored, hopefully this means Channel 4 have faith in the format and will continue to produce it.

It’s interesting that Channel 5 have also had a few goes at this format.  They’ve offered, The Classic Car Show, The Cars That Made Britain Great and the woeful Classic Car Crisis.  None have hit the mark to my mind and have not achieved any longevity. However, Channel Five Executives do note, if you fancy another go, there’s a tall, TV seasoned mechanic recently come available.  Just a thought…

Here’s to the new!

So it’s so long and thanks to Edd for the time being. I’m sure another format will be developed for us to enjoy his informed ministrations and, as long as the classic car zeitgeist remains strong, I hope there’ll be a production company willing to develop and commit the necessary resources to provide what we really want: good engineering coverage delivered in an amiable and generous fashion.