Simply Magnificent

It's time to talk about the Citroen SM.  I’ve briefly referenced this car a few times over the years. And, of course, it’s from a manufacturer that I admire, as you all know. However, I didn’t have any plans to take up this subject until I was out and about recently and saw a fully restored gold SM outside Whitegates Garage in Davenport in south Manchester. 

Now, these are rare cars. Citroen only made around 13,000 from 1970-75. There are so few around that to see one accidentally when you are out doing some errands is akin to seeing a Unicorn. I immediately slammed on my brakes and circled back to see if it really was an SM sat on a side street in a Stockport suburb.

And there it was. In all its retro-futuristic glory. An object that is at once a seventies icon and a spaceship from a distant sexy planet. You can’t help but admire it, even if you don’t know what it is you’re looking at. That was the moment I knew I wanted to write some more about this car.

Citroen SM Opera - special body - note four doors

Arguably, the SM is the only true GT car Citroen ever made. Indeed SM stands for Sport Maserati. A Citroen capable of high-speed, transcontinental travel in style and comfort. Square-jawed men in velvet tuxedos could sweep their model girlfriends to the south of France, chain-smoking Gitanes and never look anything other than super cool.

Some claim the SM is the sports version of the DS. It’s true these cars do share a lot of DNA, but in many ways, they are very different vehicles. To make the SM Citroen made some very bold decisions in both the engineering and styling.  Foremost of which was the engine.  In 1968, Citroen didn’t have a high-performance engine in its stable.  The best it had was the ageing 2.1-litre, four-cylinder unit from the DS. But this was more a workhorse than a true sports engine.

Luckily, Citroen owned Maserati at the time of the SM’s development so could access some proper sporty kit.  They were able to chop down a Maserati eight-cylinder engine to create a lightweight 2.7-litre, six-cylinder power plant capable of 170 bhp and a top speed of 140 mph. It could accelerate from 0-60 mph in around 9 seconds. Not too shabby. The same engine was later used in the Maserati Merak.

Once the Italian stuff was sorted, the French madness commenced.  Citroen’s engineers got busy grafting the hydro-pneumatic suspension, brakes and steering from the DS into place. Soon the engine bay was as packed as Kim Kardashian’s summer shorts.

A lot of junk in the trunk - can you see daylight?

Naturally, the SM was front wheel drive like all Citroens but designed to handle as well as its rear-wheel-drive Italian and German rivals. It had high-powered disc braking all round giving world-beating stopping capabilities. The SM also did the same trick as the DS with the suspension languidly rising to action on the turn of the key, giving an unparalleled ride for a sports coupe.

The SM’s ‘Divari’ steering was a true innovation.  It got firmer the faster the car was going to improve straight-line stability. And with fully powered steering with just a single turn lock to lock, it took some getting used to compared with contemporary seventies vehicles. They even gave the SM the swivelling headlights from the DS, housed behind the glass facias that gave the SM its distinctive Gallic nose.

Finally, they enrobed it all in a magnificent, captivating, aerodynamic body. It was like Catherine Deneuve in a sheer silk evening gown. Breathtaking.

Alas, the SM was not the commercial success Citroen had hoped for. A key market they aimed to conquer was North America where bigger engined cars were popular.  However, poor market research had overlooked the stringent US car laws with which the SM had to comply. One critical issue was the glass headlight farings were not compliant. Their removal ruined the look of the car and sales were stymied.

The SM did have fans though. Just as idiosyncratic as the car itself. Russian President Leonid Brezhnev, Emperor Haile Selassie and the Shah of Iran all owned SMs. Ugandan dictator Idi Amin had seven of them. The owner that thrills me the most though is my childhood hero, that most seventies of he-men, Lee Majors. The Six Million Dollar Man drove an SM. Now that’s cool!

Somebody wants an SM

While I was admiring the Stockport-based SM, the owner was nearby, and we had a chat. It turned out it was for sale.  When he told me this news, my heart jumped a little. I also felt a frightened quiver from my wallet.  I won’t say the price, but it was certainly keen.  And as much as I’d love to own an SM, my logical brain was asking whether I really needed a complicated, ageing, Franco-Italian supercar and all the inevitable troubles that would bring.

The answer, surprisingly, was maybe…

Until next time, happy classic motoring everyone.

Mothers Knows Best

I’m reasonably sure I’ve never used this blog to extoll the virtues of any particular product. But that’s going to change this month. However, before you suspect this is some self-serving commercialism on my part, don’t worry. My reason for bringing this to you is pure altruism. It's something that may add the same value to you and your motor, as it has to me. On the assumption you’re sufficiently intrigued, let’s move on.

How many amongst you have used Mothers Mag & Aluminium metal polish? Maybe a few. It's something I recently learned about via a YouTube vlog series called Sweet Project Cars. Have a look to see the many uses this Michigan-based garage has for this low-key product. In fact, the tips these videos give are endlessly useful.

The first thing I like about Mothers is its antediluvian branding. Its got that old school, retro look. Just like the products we used to buy, but have since fallen into disrepair. Concoctions like Andrew’s Liver Salts, Brasso, Borax and Brillo Pads. The household goods we used to swear by as if they were sold to us by the king of snake oil salesmen.

Mothers’ image harks back to the glory days of Madison Avenue marketers. Where besuited, Martini-soaked alpha males would slap women’s bottoms as they dreamt up slogans to promote all sorts of dodgy stuff. To sell as much as possible before we found out many of them were deadly. ‘Asbestos cigarettes; slow burning for better flavour.’ ‘Uranium face cream; for a glowing complexion.’ ‘Delicious heroin flavoured root beer; for that extra kick!.’ That sort of thing.

Happily, Mothers is a much better product. Their tagline is; ‘there’s no shine like Mothers.’

Their emblem is a simple line drawing of an old lady, goggles on her head. She’s ready to roar down to the dime store on a noisy Indian motorcycle.  You can imagine her dropping by a classic American bar to meet fellow corporate mascots Colonel Saunders, Ronald McDonald and The Pillsbury Dough Boy. She’d pop in to check if the Marlboro man’s cough has cleared up yet.

So why am I so enthusiastic about it this particular magic unguent? Well, I was impressed by the versatility of it as consistently demonstrated by the Sweet Project Car boys. So much so, I bought some. Twenty-four hours later it was delivered by Amazon, and I was itching to give it a go. Here are just a few ways how it may change your life.

As a metal polish.

Obvious huh! But it certainly does what it says on the oft-mentioned ‘tin’. I used it to clean some of the iffy body bling on the D, and it brought it up like new. Faded aluminium ornamentation buffed to gleaming perfection with minimal cussing. Then, I renovated some of the door handles on the 2CV and got the same result. We've even put a glistening shine on some of our domestic stainless steel. Look at some YouTube videos of people transforming grungy old bits to a gleaming shine. Buy your Mothers with confidence, it works!

To renovate paint

Using a DA and a polishing pad, you can use it to bring depth back to faded paint.  I had some irritating oxidised bits on my weekday car, and Mothers polished them right up. With little effort and no fuss. You can equally do whole body panels just as easily and get sparkling results.

Shine a light

Most amazing is that it can sort out yellowing headlight lenses. Ordinarily, this would mean either replacement or sanding and reapplication of the clear coat. A time consuming and irksome job. However, polish with Mothers and they’ll look brand new. Indeed, I had a headlight so hazy that it was noted as an advisory on the last MOT. After a few minutes with a polishing pad on my cordless drill, the lens was as clear as an exquisitely tuned bell. Better still, you can do all your car lights equally easily. This little bit of magic has since gone ‘viral’ with increasing numbers of videos posted of before-and-after results. Check some out and see for yourself.

Pimp up plastic

You can use it to polish up any number of plastic parts. Particularly plastic ornamentation with a chrome effect. This is a boon to the classic car world where rarity means some parts are hard to get and therefore expensive. Using Mothers, you can get these parts back to muster, looking smart enough for plenty more years of service. All you need is the polish, some simple tools and a good stock of elbow grease.

Its versatile products like Mothers that are always efficacious to the classic car enthusiast. For those who need to save some cash and still get your car looking as good as it can be. Obviously, there is a full range of Mothers detailing products available to make your car shine like a harvest moon. If you like their flagship product, you’ll no doubt like some of their other magic potions too.

If you haven't already, go and buy some Mothers Mag & Aluminium metal polish. See what it can do for your car. Or as the boys from Sweet Project Cars say: ‘let Momma put a spank on it’.

Happy polishing everyone.