Hell on Wheels

So summer’s all but gone. Winter is coming. As the nights close in, our thoughts turn to darker themes. Like the cold of the coming months. The carpet of dead autumnal leaves that symbolise the inexorable circle of life. The sadness of putting our cars away, safe from the salty roads until the 2018 show season.

What do we have to look forward to? Well, there's Bonfire Night. And the bizarre thing they call Black Friday. Where did that come from? Of course, the misery of Christmas approaches too (more on that in the December blog).

First up on this roll call of melancholy is All Hallows Eve. Halloween as it's known. A night brimming with faux horror. Of costumed children running around begging for sweets. When exasperated parents try to carve spooky images into a Tesco pumpkin. Wondering how their life went so badly awry. Pound shops all over the country will be selling hordes of cheap, ghost-themed crap. All as we descend into yet another so-called ‘holiday’ based on the US commercial model.

Having depressed you, perhaps you expect me to lift the mood with something chirpy. Sorry, not this time I'm afraid. I've decided to embrace this crepuscular theme in this month's blog. It’s my Stygian contribution to the unwelcome changing of the season.

We all enjoy our cars and have no reason to fear them per se. Unfortunately, even the most mundane car can transform into a sinister icon. Usually when associated with evil people or grisly events. So, this Halloween here's my rundown of some of history's most infamous vehicles.

Why not lock your doors, turn the lights down low and read on. If you dare that is…

1968 VW Beetle

We all know an evil person conceived the Bug. By exploiting the engineering genius of Ferdinand Porsche the ‘people’s car’ was born. Not the best start. It was the British Army and some Californian hippies who rehabilitated the car’s image. By the mid-1960s, the Beetle was in vogue.

Unfortunately, Ted Bundy spoiled the party. In the seventies, he used his 1968 Beetle to commit a series of appalling murders. Maybe, his non-threatening Bug helped to lure the doomed women into Bundy’s clutches. Perhaps the anonymous nature of the VW helped him to hide in plain sight, evading capture.

It took too long to apprehend him and too many lives cut short. In 1989, he too met his destiny in Florida’s electric chair. His VW is on display in a Washington museum.

Is this woman doomed?

1934 Citroen Traction Avant

We're back on planet Citroen. Before the DS, there was the Traction Avant. The world’s first mass-produced, front-wheel drive car. And few would disagree that the TA moved car production forward a good few notches. They were advanced, fast and surefooted. With low-slung looks, the TA cemented Citroen’s reputation as an innovative carmaker.

Many will associate the TA with George Simenon’s perspicacious detective Maigret. But sinister types liked them too. The cars were so good Gestapo officers favoured them during the occupation. The French mafia were also fans. Both used the car for their dark agendas. None of which were in the Citroen sales brochure I'm sure.

A great car. But not always in a good way

1966 Buick Electra 225

Many famous people have met their end in a car accident. James Dean, Eddie Cochran, Grace Kelly, and Marc Bolan all suffered a vehicular demise.

Jayne Mansfield was arguably the most notorious. A fifties starlet with a racy reputation. Some would pun that she had a big future in front of her.

Alas, in 1967 a fatal encounter between her Buick and a tractor ended all that. It's said she was decapitated in the accident. At least lurid headlines claimed so. Apparently, it's not true but that's cold comfort at best. If there's good here, it's that legislation required that future farm vehicles had to fit a protective barrier. Known as a Mansfield bar they helped to prevent future fatal occurrences.

1956 Austin Westminster A90

In the Thien Mu Pagoda in the Vietnamese city of Hue, there's an infamous motoring artefact. In 1963, Buddhist monk Thich Quang Duc drove to Saigon in a battered pale blue Austin Westminster A90. On arrival, he sat down at an intersection, doused himself in petrol and burned himself alive. All in a dramatic protest about religious freedom.

The image captured at the time is an iconic piece of photojournalism that will be familiar to all. The car is now a religious relic and a unique example of how even a humble car can become a symbol of devotion. It's a grisly way to make a point though.

1966 Chevrolet Impala

All good ghost stories should leave the reader slightly disquieted at the denouement. If there's a conclusive ending, it rather misses the point to my mind. Luckily, we have the mysterious Zodiac Killer. He terrorised Northern California in the late sixties with his serial murders.

It's generally thought he used a 1966 Chevrolet Impala to aid his misdeeds. He claimed a death toll of 37 people in his bizarre zodiac inspired letters to the press. Frighteningly he was never caught, he could still be alive. Even today, he may be pulling the cover from a mothballed Impala and thinking ‘it’s time’…

We can't blame the cars for any of this misfortune, can we? They were inert accomplices to the various sticky ends we have discussed. It's only the addition of an evil or unlucky person that guarantees their place in infamy.

The testament to this is that none of the cars involved was shunned for their part in these misfortunes. We can still see many of them at shows and tootling around on a pleasant Sunday drive. I hope that thought will reheat your bones a little.

So, whatever you're doing this Halloween do enjoy yourself. And of course, sleep well and don't have nightmares. Toodle pip…